Discover what to do if you've been caught cheating and how to handle the aftermath. Take responsibility, be honest, and find solutions to rebuild trust.
Feb 14 2017 18:56 4 mins read
I broke her heart and I remember feeling so bad for her. She had this idea in her head, this story that she told herself about her life, and who she was, and what her marriage was, and I ended up destroying all of that. It wasn't so much that I had sex with another woman that bothered her the most. It was the idea that the entire narrative of her life was a lie. It shook her somewhere to her very core. And it wasn't that I didn't love her. I did love her. I loved her with all my heart. I still love her. I wish that there was something I could do to make it up to her. But the temptation was so great, and no matter how many times I tried to deny myself, I knew on a long enough time scale I will screw everything up again.
What to do if you got caught cheating
Here is some advice I can give you. If you're caught cheating, just admit it. Don't try to deny it. Don't push off responsibility for it onto her or life or your relationship or your job. Take full responsibility for it. Be honest. She needs to know that you're a cheater and you did it because you wanted to, and if she gave you another chance, you'd probably do it again. Not because you don't love her, but because monogamous relationships do not make you happy. She may not like your explanation. She may never forgive you for what you did. But it has the advantage of sparing her the indignity of another lie, another false narrative she feels like an idiot for believing. Be a man. Take responsibility. Don't make her hate herself. Fall on your sword. It was your fault. You did the wrong thing. If she needs to hate you, let her. The truth is, monogamous relationships don't work for everyone. Your wife might be someone who needs to comfort and predictability of a monogamous relationship. The problem is, if you're being honest with yourself, you can't give that to her. Nowadays, guys are going into counseling for sex addiction and whatnot all because they want to have sex outside their marriage. Their wives buy it because it's a comfortable lie. My husband has a psychological disease which compels him to behave hurtfully, and maybe there's some truth to that, I don't know. What I do know is that I've never been well suited to maintain a committed monogamous relationship with a single woman over a long period of time. If I could, I would still be with my wife. But the best advice I can give cheaters out there is to not play that head game where you make them think they're just being crazy and paranoid for being correct. You have no idea how unimaginably cruel that is.
Where to find casual encounters
After my divorce, things got better for both of us. She started dating again and she was happy. There are just as many men out there who prefer monogamous relationships as there are women. On the other hand, there are plenty of women who, like me, aren't into the whole monogamy thing. One of the cool things about this age of the internet is that it's easy to find people who like yourself, enjoy having sex with multiple partners. Casual online dating has become a huge industry with millions of users all over the world coming together to find one another in a world where monogamous relationships don't work for them. Instead of stringing along some other poor woman who just wants to settle down with a husband and live out her life, you could be hooking up with beautiful women from your area and beyond for some kinky casual dating and no strings attached encounters. Some of us just don't do well in monogamous relationships and it's unfair for us to engage in them because not only do we hurt the people we care about but we deprive ourselves of what we want in the process. Since our divorce things are amicable between my ex-wife and I. She respects the fact that I was honest with her and while she may not completely approve of my sexual lifestyle she understands that it makes me happy and that's ok. We still split time with the kids and neither one of us wanted to run the other person through the ringer with divorce lawyers. But you have to know who you are and what you want out of your relationships. Sadly, we both got hurt because I cheated.
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